Sunday, February 17, 2013
My mom is always harrassing me, emotionally and verbally
abusing me, in a way that always stresses more than academic. Now she is
piercingly harassing for using the computer too much. I HAVE TO read all these
readings for the NEXT TWO days and she REPEATEDLY is saying things that demote
my self-esteem, myself. I keep inserting fingers into my ears and keep holding
that position and I CANT even do my homework! It is always like this. She is
mad at me staying on the computer and playing games, but what makes me play
games?! Obviously, I want to relax and avoid this stress and want my freedom. I
NEVER regain freedom and because of that, my self-esteem is low and I can’t
even go out late and have my own life, where I am very weak – I can’t even
borrow money and live on my own. This is all caused by my mom’s abuses, I
assure that a lot of people have these issues but at much earlier ages when
they couldn’t live on their own. If they do have these when they reach
adulthood, some of them don’t consider these as abuses, census made by health
institutes are wrong, I am pretty sure.
What she is saying to me now is everything is my fault,
everything I did wrong is blamed upon me, which was, in fact, caused by her, or
should I say, too gentle caring her children. The Co-op job I got in the summer
I failed due to my lack of having ability in working in a laboratory, and she
is blaming me because of my playing games too much and wasting time much. What
made me do these in the FIRST place?! I am saying, these adults just don’t
understand how their children feel.
10:41pm January 31, 2013
I can’t even apply to job applications for my school because
my mother keeps making me say a time, which I don’t have a time – I can’t
decide a time because I am finished whenever I finish, I cannot decide a time. I
am sitting on the computer playing a game, I need time to enjoy myself and
forget anything that gives me stress, especially family stress. I don’t want to
be controlled, even at this age. What is the reason to live if I am stuck here
forever and have no strength to move out myself? I am depressed and crying emtionally
every day at home whenever my mother is around, and even my brother as he is
very aggressive.
10:12pm February 17, 2013
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